Pickles, Icecream, and Self Indulgence

OK, so it has been a bit since I wrote last.  Things have been crazy. We still don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl.  It decided to be clever and hide its bits.  That's OK.  Otherwise, things are going well.  Corey is still experiencing hormonal waves.  Certain commercials and music videos can be too sad.  Every day is a learning experience!  As for food, this was a trip to the store after church...

That's right.  A gallon of ice cream and a 2.5qt jar of pickles.  They are not eaten together...yet.  The smell issue has somewhat subsided.  I can use the oven regularly again at least.  She is also showing now.  I'm eagerly awaiting the day that the baby can be felt kicking.  I mean, she can feel it, but I can't.  Strangely, I'm really looking forward to the dog feeling the baby kick him in the head for the first time.  I don't want Buddy to get hurt, I just think it is going to be hilarious to watch his reaction. 

He as at least been a very loyal dog.  He will follow Corey right to bed the moment she says the words "let's go to bed".  He is up and at the foot of the bed pretty quick.  His loyalty belongs to me on the sofa.  There, he'll do whatever he can to try and curl up by me.  However, Corey is master of the sleeps.  He doesn't care if I'm going to bed, once she sets in in motion, I only matter if I come to bed so he can use my legs like a hammock. 

So, in other matters, I finally finished putting in new outlets downstairs so that Calfo can use the play area with light and TV if he wants it.  Eventually I'll be running cable to a wireless router so that there is a better internet signal.  I might even move my desk down there so that there's more room in the living room for stuff.  Yeah.  Like room for a baby to roll around or something.

So, I've been having some very strange story ideas.  I know, I'm a little more random than usual.  My brain has been moving a mile a minute trying to absorb everything and process it, so when suddenly it has downtime, it fills it with crazy thoughts.  Like time travel.  But in my story it requires an implant and you can only go back as far as the implant is inserted.  I'm thinking there will be an option to erase future memory after you go back.  Your mind is all that gets transferred.  Colin and I had talked about something like this before, and I've been expanding upon it.  I think it started with thinking about if this was all a dream...

Corey is over on the couch pretending she knows the words to the songs from Pandora.  She has come up with some pretty good stuff.  Well, I think I'm going to go join her and eat some rolled tacos or something.  Oh, and by the way - the bacon in the picture?  That's my idea.  I found that I can piggy back on Corey's cravings by suggesting other foods that might be good, but that really I just want.  I guess I'm self indulging using her pregnancy cravings as a cover.  I figure as long as I don't go overboard.  She's growing a person, so she gets a free pass.  Me?  I'm along for the ride, and right now, that means yummy treats.  So on that note, I'll leave you with Ambrosia.  Why?  I don't know, just enjoy it.

I'm not freaking out...I'm panicking with style.

So, pretty soon we'll know if we are having a boy or a girl.  We had a bit of an episode that put nerves on edge when they couldn't find the heartbeat.  Turns out our little nugget is just so active that they couldn't pin 'em down long enough to get a read.  They finally did, and everything was cool.  For that moment.  For a guy with high anxiety, this is a HUGE test of my ability to cope.  I finally pinpointed one of the things causing me the highest anxiety - I am, for the most part, helpless.  To help me get this message across, I invite Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young to the floor.

In case you're wondering, I include music in most of my posts because I like music.  It is a great way to convey a feeling.  Also, music is awesome.

So, I'm feeling helpless, and here is why.  If Corey gets sick, I get her meds, I cook, I set up the humidifier.  I do stuff, and then she's all better.  I have my sense of accomplishment and my wife back up in good health.  Now she's pregnant, and I have to wait until July before she's "better".  I can't get her NyQuil and hope she doesn't try to take too much.  I can't get her back to 100%.  It feels like hospice care - I can only make her more comfortable until her time comes.   This is a very hard thing to deal with.  I'm slowly getting used to it, but I fear that by the time I'm used to it, she'll be in the middle of labor.  Then I'll have a whole new set of worries.  Calvin is still pretty upbeat.  He's an upbeat kid.  I admire that.  Heck, I envy that sometimes.

This is how I feel on the inside most days.

On the brighter side of things, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I'm in clothes that fit right.  I gained some weight and nothing fit.  Of course, Corey is also going through the clothes not fitting right thing, but she's got a way better excuse than me.  I just outgrew the metabolism of my younger days.  She's growing a person from scratch.  But, I can say that after finding a LOT of stuff for $6 at Van Heusen I have a much better wardrobe.  I was also able to go shopping with Corey to help her pick out some nice maternity clothes.  She's happier now that her clothes fit right.  That makes me happy.  Like I said, the best I can do right now is help her be comfortable.  Speaking of which, I have dinner to work on. Chicken!

I've found that I have to deal with things one day at a time, and that I can't really outwardly panic.  I'm trying to remain strong for Corey.  She deserves it.  I know she's got a lot more to worry about.  She can feel baby moving around now.  I'm excited for when I can feel it moving around...and at the same time, that will bring a whole new level of "real" to the game.  I think I'm freaking out now...no.  I'm panicking with style.  I'm just going to have to add a lot more style as I go.