Christmas Cheer

I am in need of Christmas cheer. It doesn't feel like Christmas. My faith is at a low point. In short, things generally suck. Maybe it has been this craptastic year. Maybe it is insomnia. Whatever it is, it is a freaking pain in the ass.

I'm sure I'll either get happy or fake it for the holiday season. I just wish I really felt that Christmas wonder. Instead I'm just trying to cope with life.

I'm writing this to myself, so if you are one of the few readers of my work, you can choose to stop now. I won't blame you.

Christmas had become a source of stress. What to get people, planning where to go, decorating, what to bring. Then it's gone, and it is back to business as usual.

This is just a rant. This hasn't been a good year, and next year doesn't look any better. I don't know where God and I stand at this time. I don't know where I stand with anything. I need a sign. Something to say it will be ok. Well, I have to do something to change things.

Here is the plan. I keep busy, so busy I don't have time to think. Maybe when I'm done, things will be better. If all else, I did a bunch of shit. Better to be a productive sad sack of crap than a lazy one. Maybe I'll get some sort of sense of accomplishment. Who knows.

Right now, I feel like this is just another day, another month, another year. Maybe I'll find purpose. Or at least something to do. Out.