Sometimes...

I wasn't going to write this, but I've been trying to relax, and my mind won't relax. I'm too shaken by today. When children are killed, it shakes a man to his core. As a father, I cannot even imagine what this is like for the people left behind. If it were to happen to Calvin... What I wanted to talk about is how it can rattle the very soul. Faith is shaken and strained at times like this. My faith is shaken. My faith in humanity. God. The world. Humans are such fragile things. I've been reading news stories, trying to understand it, but I don't know that it can be understood. I've read social media blurbs. Pray. Blame guns. Label the killer as evil.

What do we pray for? Healing? Understanding? Guidance? At times like this, I pray that I can still here God. I figure out the rest after that. I may sound crazy, but I can't call the killer evil or blame guns. Public debate on policy can wait. Why won't I say the killer is evil? Because I don't know him. I don't know what made him do what he did. I stop and think about it and it terrifies me to think about what would push someone over the edge. That we are all human: we are all fragile.

Tonight, my prayers go out to the families coping with an unfathomable loss. I pray for the survivors, asking why they live while others do not. I pray for the family of the shooter. They have suffered a terrible loss, and have questions with no answers. I pray, because at times like this, I have to believe someone is listening. Sometimes, we just need something to believe in to get us through another day. The Sun will rise, it will set. Time stops for no one. Today is a reminder that sometimes, there are no winners; there are no bad guys. Sometimes, there are just people, and people are fragile. Now is a time for healing. I pray that I never see something like this again.